All respects to Rumiko Takashi, her characters are obviously not 
mine, and not my property.
                           Baka gajin no Nerima 
                           (The Fool Foreigner of Nerima)
                            By  A.S.H.
                               Chapter 4c
                       Tokyo no Baka wa Bodukai
                          (Tokyo's Tournament of Fools)
     Alex and Warren were busy getting themselves ready for the final 
match. It was the two of them and Shampoo in a three way free for all.
     "Well, this is going to be interesting that's for sure." Alex said as 
he chewed on a chocolate chip granola bar.
     "Oh yeah, don't think I will be making any alliances with you against 
her, got it?" Warren said.
     Alex swallowed the granola bar, "Okay, but that means if I see you in 
a moment of weakness, I will exploit it with extreme prejudice." He 
grinned a slight.
     "Oh yeah, well I'll just have to return the favor." Warren said as he 
socked Alex in the arm.
     There was a very familiar <*clack clack*> noise in the locker room and 
the both of them looked to see Cologne hopping in. She looked at Alex 
very angrily.
     "Very clever American boy. Two technicalities...since Ranma was a 
woman when he landed outside the ring, he has no obligation for losing, and 
since they declared Shampoo the winner by default, she has no 
additional obligation because she won..." Her voice was stern as her big eyes 
were very narrow and her wrinkled face was pulled into a most solid 
     Alex chuckled, "Well old woman, the best kind of correct is 
technically correct. Now, is there anything else to came here to tell me or us?"
     Colonge grimaced a slight at Alex's obvious lack of respect, "Only one 
thing." She turned to Warren, "Good luck ban xue..." She then hobbled 
off on her walking cane.
     Alex made a thoughtful noise, then broken the silence, "You know, you 
can't win this fight without getting into the same mess me and Ranma 
are in."
     Warren sighed, "You're right." But then the younger fighter smiled, 
"At least I get the chance to beat the crap out of you in front of 
everyone though, right?"
     Alex laughed, "I suppose so, well, let's get going." He stood and 
exited the locker room with his staff in hand, and Warren followed after 
with his wooden straight sword.
     The arena was a flood with activity and tension. Two gaijin underdogs 
and one chuugokujin dynamo who was a ringer with both body and 
technique. Suffice to say, since all of the hometown competitors had been 
eliminated, they were glad to root for the only asian in the ring.
     "And here we are in the last leg of today's tournament! It's been a 
long and hard battle, but after several rounds of pulse pounding combat, 
we are down to our last three competitors for the free-for-all brawl of 
the century!"
     On that note all three fighters stepped out into the arena and 
approached the mat, and were greeted with the ever-intense roar of the crowd.
     "And here we have our two underdogs from America, Hansen Alexander and 
Davis Warren! These two fighters have come up against incredible odds, 
and are here representing the Alaskan Kenpo Karate Association and Iowa 
School of 
White Tiger Kung Fu respectively."
     With a sweeping gesture he motioned towards Shampoo, "And here we have 
Xian Pu from Nerima, who has proven to be a vision of the perfect 
female warrior, with quite a few nice moves if you know what I mean." The 
announcer chortled lecherously.
     "And now good folks is the fight to end all fights! Would all three 
contestants please enter the ring. Good, bow to each other, fighting 
stances!"   Alex immediately took up an offensive staff stance, while Shampoo 
had her bonbori ready in a definite crane defensive stance, meanwhile 
Warren held his straight sword in a purely neutral stance.
     The three leapt towards the center of the ring immediately, and there 
was a loud clack as the weapons of the three met. Both Warren and 
Shampoo had been intercepted by Alex's staff, which he quickly spun it 
vertically to catch Shampoo in the left arm and Warren in the right, causing 
them both to loosen their grips and release the bind on his staff. He 
followed up with a roundhouse aimed for Warren's gut which the Kung Fu 
artist dodged, as Shampoo came up on Alex from behind and clocked him 
good over the head with her melon hammer, causing him to stumble forward 
and clutch his head in pain.
     _I can't lose damnit, no way am I getting married unless I say so!_
     Shampoo made a follow up swing with her other weapon, and Alex quickly 
ducked and rolled backwards, while Warren made a strike with his wooden 
straight sword that had been aimed for Alex, but caught Shampoo in the 
midsection instead, causing her to gasp as the wind was knocked from 
     "No fair going after the girl till one of us is done Warren!" Alex 
shouted as he quickly came back to his feet and sprung after Warren, staff 
tip pointed out aiming right for his friends face.
     Of course Warren quickly smacked the tip away with his sword, to which 
Alex followed up with a horizontal swing to smash Warren upside the 
head instead, but his friend countered with a swift second parry and 
followed up with a grip reverse of his sword to which he smacked the pommel 
into Alex's sternum.
     That hurt the blonde gaijin very much naturally, but Warren wasn't 
about to let up, and switched his grip again and made ready to whack Alex 
in the kidney with a quick sword strike, and nearly hit before his 
target made a quick hop back and then a hop forward with a front kick 
catching his friend in the chin with the tip of his foot.
     The point-counterpoint brawl between the two American's captivated 
their attention and the attention of the audience so well that no one 
seemed to take notice when Shampoo busted open her bonbori over the both of 
them. Just after Warren had caught Alex in the face with a backfist, 
both of their eyes were suddenly filled with the stinging pain of high 
quality hair care products.
     <Jebus McGregor it burns!> Alex shouted.
     <This is what we get for turning our back on a woman!> Warren replied.
     Then the epiphany dawned on him, <She's trying to get the both of us 
in one blow!> 
     <Truce!> Warren called out.
     <Truce!> Alex agreed, <Move back...NOW!> Alex and Warren dodged 
backwards and both narrowly missed getting hit by a very well planned split 
kick from Shampoo.
     <She's open!> Warren shouted, and Alex made his move, swinging his 
staff like a mighty Five-Wood Club Shampoo was caught off guard, not 
expecting her blinded prey to have any real bite, but she dodged quickly, 
and made a mighty cry as she brought her bonbori down on Alex.
     Alex was unable to dodge this time. He could hear the air passing over 
the surface of the massive weapon, but he could feel time slowing down 
as he knew there was no time to dodge. There was a resounding <*WHAM*>, 
and the force of her strike knocked him out on contact as he smashed 
into the bleachers on the other side of the ring.
     "RING OUT FOR HANSEN! And he's out for the count folks!"
     Shampoo was in the mean time doing a little victory dance, assuming 
that the ban xue that she always viewed with a touch of contempt was of 
no concern, now that she had for sure bagged one object of her pursuits.
     Warren had finally cleared his vision and saw that he was in deep shit 
now. He had two choices, lose and stay clean, or win by knocking her 
out of the ring right now while she's distracted, and have her chasing 
after him like Ranma.
     <Ah hell with it...> Warren said, with that he charged Shampoo and 
proceeded to break both her Bonbori off at their handles with his 
straightsword, and threw his own weapon out of the ring.
     "If you want to beat me Xian Pu, you'll be doing it with your bare 
hands, no tricks!" With that he made a strong right roundhouse, which she 
swiftly ducked and countered with a hand sword directed at his kidneys 
which he parried and followed up on with a full palm push into her 
chest. She only avoided damage by rolling backward and dispersing the force 
of the blow.
     She unrolled herself near the far end of the mat in a swirl of her 
endless purple locks. "Cao ni! Xian Pu not lose to stupid ban xue now! 
They be scraping you off the mat like rice that sticks to wok, ni 
sishengi!" She sprung at him and planted herself one foot on the ground to make 
a powerful vertical split kick that caught him right underneath the 
chin, which left him completely open for her follow up, which was turning 
the split kick into a downward axe kick that laid him flat on his back 
on the mat.
     "Bendan!" She shouted as she leapt into the air and proceeded to stomp 
him in the gut, forcing all the air out of him, at which point she 
pushed off him, adding further injury as she landed a good few meters away 
while he clutched his belly.
     "You draw all grandmothers attention, you make her scold Xian Pu cause 
you so impressive for ban xue!" Her face was twisted in anger, and all 
of the folks of Nerima had very rarely seen this kind of unbridled 
hatred from the amazon.
     Warren coughed a few times and stood up, "Sheesh, so I guess our date 
is off?" He said mockingly.
     "Wo Zenghen Ni!" She screamed at him. Many of the Chinese spectators 
recoiled slightly at the very serious declaration of hatred.
     "Then don't marry me!" Warren shouted back after regaining his wind.
     Shampoo went completely florid, and shouted again as she charged him 
with the classic flying dragon-kick. Warren dodged and Shampoo hit the 
mat in another roll and sprung back up dashing at him full tilt, before 
she could get to close though he quickly whipped out a swift right 
handed back fist, which only phased her a slight. He quickly followed up 
with a left back fist and then a right uppercut, and snapping hand sword, 
and a variety of other fast attacks that were very hard for Shampoo to 
block, but they were so fast that their damage was minimal.
     Anyone who knew chi mastery would have seen Warren's aura start to 
steadily grow as he worked his circulation into high gear, promoting the 
flow of his chi. After he had made a swift sternum poke that had Shampoo 
clutching her chest a bit, he swiveled his hips and directed all his 
chi into the ground with a powerful stomp that caused the entire stadium 
to shake.
     "AIYA!" The quake was just enough to knock Shampoo of kilter a bit, 
she started to back peddle, and then ended up slipping on some of her own 
mousse which had been used for such cruel intent, and went over the 
edge of the ring.
     A silence permeated the arena.
     Shampoo was rubbing her sore ass after hitting the concrete stadium 
floor so hard, and the she realized.
     "D-davis...wins by a ring out..." The announcers shaky voice replied. 
Everyone thought they had been rocked by good 6 on the Richter scale, 
and then realized it was Warren that did it.
     "Davis...WINS THE TOURNAMENT!" And despite the slight resentment, 
everyone had to cheer, because damn it, that boy did it.
     Alex had just started to come out of unconsciousness to see Warren 
being held high holding the trophy shouting at the top of his lungs.
     "Well, this has certainly been one hell of a day." He remarked, as he 
looked at the pouting purple haired amazon, her face still an 
absolutely enraged shade of red.
     "The blushing bride, jeez...I can't wait to get back to Nerima." He 
said sourly.
     End Chapter 4c
     Preview for Chapter 5
     Shampoo drew the blade slowly across her wrist.
     "ALRIGHT ALREADY! God damnit I didn't think you were so serious!" Alex